yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?