I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
