Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
