so let's talk penis.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.