After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.