Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.