the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
