It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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