It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
