brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
