I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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