apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
