Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
