My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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