dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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