I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
