My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize