I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
