I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Randomize
