Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He better not be in your backpack
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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