i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
