If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
