You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
