Dual....:-)
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
