Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize