I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
