The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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