in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
