just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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