Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
