so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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