Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My liver just had a heart attack.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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