I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
