I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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