phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
