Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
