Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
