I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
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This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
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Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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