hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
