I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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