Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
