She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
