I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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