She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
