I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
