found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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