I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
