Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize