let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
