My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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