And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
