I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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