ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
