Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
