Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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