i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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