he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
