is your mom at the bar?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
