I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
