Pappa wants mamma naked
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
