I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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