I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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