I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
