bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
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Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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