? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
