textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
