He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
