yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
