I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
