I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
