Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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