Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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