I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This is the high leading the old right now
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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