I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
