38 yer olds are good kisserssss
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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