I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wanna passion pit in your ass
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
