So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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