I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
