OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
