oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I think people are normalizing furries