Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
25 Adults Reveal The Most Embarrassing Stories From When They Were Kids
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.