What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees