when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
