wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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