2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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