I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
