the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
