Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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