she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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