Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
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Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
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you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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