I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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