I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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