My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
