we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
